More “You know you’re training for a triathlon when…”

A little while back, I started a list on my blog to note the silly nuisances we all experience during this crazy experience of tri training.

It was really funny (Sugoi even gave me props on Twitter for it!) so the SF/Marin Summer ’09 Triathlon Team in Training expanded the list. Some are specific to training in the San Francisco Bay Area but I think everyone can relate

You know you’re training for a triathlon when…

… your targeted facebook ads switch from “Diet” and “Engagement Ring” to “Tri Race Registrations.”
…you carry Clif Shotblocks in your Louis Vuitton purse.
…you have Body Glide residue left on your neck from morning swim, at work, wearing a dress.
…it’s Shark Week but you STILL go swimming in the SF Bay…in the dark.
…you spend more time in the shower with your wetsuit than your significant other.
…your parents give you birthday money for a bike – two years in a row.
…you’ve never been more excited about nail polish because you absolutely must hide the black nail on your second toe.
…tan lines are no longer sexy and you have multiple gradients of color on your leg from bike, tri, and run shorts.
…you wear your Polar heart monitor watch 24/7 to gauge the speed and accuracy of everyday tasks.
…you realize your heavy drinking actually correlates to longer work outs and you pat yourself on the back. Carb up!
… you’re invited to dinner by a beautiful girl and your first thought is “when can i get my training in”, before all of the normal considerations.
… the smell of sunscreen overpowers the aftershave you put on after your shower.
… you look forward to the shower in the parking lot after a swim at AP and look at people funny when they suggest actually going to a gym or home to clean up.
… you open your newly purchased ice chest and see the articles of nutrition are bananas, peanut butter and jelly sandwich, chocolate milk, 4 types of pre and post training drinks, and a beer.
… when you start growing a beard… NO wait, thats just algae.
…when you tell the guy next to you to “get up there and give me a big ‘ol wedgie” and not only does he oblige you, he asks you to return the favor.
…when your friends stop asking you to hang out because they are sick of hearing your self-righteous excuse “Would love to, but I have a 40 mile brick tomorrow,” which, as you damn well know, you are saying to make them feel bad about themselves.
…when the guy behind you says, “Hope you don’t mind if I draft off your backside for a bit,” and you find absolutely nothing wrong with that statement.
…when the words “Blazing Saddles” do not make you think of Mel Brooks, but rather, anger, frustration, and hoards of people who have no clue what they are doing.
… when you wake up on Sunday morning at 7:30 to do a 5 hour workout and are thrilled because you got to “sleep in”
… when you start to notice that any time you come back to your desk at work, you are holding food of some kind
…when you shower after your am swim, go to work, and realize you smell like a wet suit in the middle of a meeting. Thank God you cleaned your wetsuit and only smell like rubber.
…when your date refuses dessert you feel robbed.
…you think shark is the best tasting meat there ever was cuz its either it or you.
…when you’ve made plans for dinner at 7pm and you find youself in the kitchen from 5pm to 6:30pm snack on ALL of the following: A bowl of cereal, PB&J sandwhich, banana, glass of milk, left over chinese, chips, some nuts, a granola bar, a ham sandwich, maybe a frozen burrito. Your thought when you leave the door, “Better grab a cliff bar just incase they can’t seat us right away.”
… a 2 mile run is considered a “warm up.”
…you leave your “friends” place by 10:30, even after being invited to stay the night, just so you aren’t late for the 6am breakfast club swim. Love is a wonderful thing!
…when you stuff your credit card, your driver’s license, and your car keys in your underwear because you have forgotten that your normal pants actually have pockets.
…when you’re on your headed out the door with all your gear on and your roommates says “You look like a friggin idiot.” You think, “cool, I got everything.”
…when you start referring to Edward 40 Hands as “clipping in”.
…when you approach the bar in flip flops and refer to changing into the heels in your purse as ‘T1′ and get shoes ready a few blocks ahead to ensure a smooth and fast transition.
…you’re hoping Spring Team can help you make it past Alamo Square without blacking out in next year’s B2B.
…when your boyfriend asks if Jasmine can join in as a third, and you think he’s talking about a tri relay….
…and you respond, “only if she does a 7 minute split”
…when you carefully screen your pre-ride music choices for fear of having Britney Spears / Celine Dione / Prince / etc stuck in your head for 50 miles.
…when you start referring to spandax as “mandex” and think its ok to roll to brunch in them.
…when your credit card declines. You call your bank to find out why and they inform you that “the recent expensive charges on your card at Sports Basement are out of character for the cardholder; your account has been locked for suspicious activity.”
…when you have a bottle of advil on your desk to address your post-fundraising event discomfort… next to a bottle of motrin to address your post-training discomfort. And yes… they are both ibuprofen, but they are different.
…when you start referring to your bike as “the wife” and swim/run workouts as “guy’s night”.
…when you have to sprint to the bus at 6:45 and you think “this sucks…wait a second, this feels pretty good, this training must be payin off.”
…when you’re getting ready for work in the morning and you think to yourself, “yes i’m totally pacing to make it by 7:45″
…when 15 minutes before an evening bike workout you realize that your tri shorts are still a little wet from yesterdays swim, so in a panic you turn your oven on to 250, crack the door, and hang your shorts for 10 minutes.
…when you go to the gym, do 60-min bike, 20-min run, some core and think “boy, that was a bullshit workout”.
…when you do two loads of laundry. Not because you have too much laundry but because you don’t want your workout gear to contaminate your normal person clothes.
…when you are changing the laundry (load 1 of 4) over to the dryer and find a half eaten package of shot blocks left in the bottom of the machine… and mourn the waste of 1 hours worth of energy.
…when you wake up the morning after competing and see your race number markings from your arm imprinted on your sheets.
…you realize the majority of your pants have a designated key pocket.
…when it’s the night before your marathon race and you lay out your sneakers with the shoelaces untied and one sock placed neatly on top of each for quick transition.